A Reality Check for Parents

At Your Wits End...

Ok...Its time to get real!   How many times have you, in regards to your little ones, thought to yourself "I can't take it anymore!!!"?   Never right?   Right.   If your like me you love your children with the whole of your being.   From the moment you laid eyes on those precious balls of innocence they became your destiny.  Your reason for being.   Nothing will ever be their fault.   The fault will always lie with you as their caregivers, parents, and the ones responsible for bringing them into this world.   Your role is to love them, hold them, guide them, nurture, and provide for them.   To be there for them through every colicky night and to kiss away every bump, scrape, and bruise.   (By the way, those first minor injuries are catastrophic!   At least they were to me.   Not in the literal sense but more in a "OMG...their perfect skin has a scrape...My poor perfect baby!!!!" sort of way).   But let's face facts here.   There was a book, in which I will not name, about putting your babies to sleep and the frustration parents feel when their child refuses to go to sleep.   A story about the "may I have a drink" issues and "can you get my teddy?"....About the "I'm hungry's" and the "can you leave the door open a crack so some light will come in?" moments.   I do not name the book because it was introduced to me just after my three year old was born.   My sister-in-law got it as a present. Her daughter is six weeks younger then mine and when I looked through it...I was absolutely APPALLED!!! Are you kidding me?   Who could possibly write about this perfect being God gave me in such a vulgar way. I'll give you a hint:   The vulgarity is in the title and continues page after page.

"Brilliant and Terribly Honest"..."A Good Read!"

Well, to be clear, we are being honest here.   And if I'm being honest, by baby #2 (who we discovered we were expecting the week my first became one!), this book began to feel slightly more acceptable.   Almost understandable....almost.   By the time my first daughter was approaching 2.5 and my second was well on her way to 1, it happened.   (Only in my head...Alright, I shared my thought with my husband)...That unheard of, unspeakable failure of actually wanting to scream at the top of my lungs "Go the _____ to SLEEP!!!".   It happened to me.   The undeniable truth.   I was officially becoming a "seasoned" mommy.   A real mommy.   The shame and disappointment I felt cannot even be expressed within these words.   What was going on?   These are my babies...My angels...My little God-Given bundles of pure joy and bliss....AND THEY WERE BEGINNING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY!!!

"Hang in there sister!"

Brace yourself...it gets worse!   (If that is even possible!)...With much anxiety over falling short of my mothering expectations, other things started to happen in my household.   My daughters began to scream...Loud!   So loud it was as if my ear drums were going to burst!   They started throwing things and spilling things, and, after I'd clean up....they'd do it again!!!   Then the intelligence kicked in and whoa, I was not expecting what happened next.   "I can do what I want!"...Ouch..."No!"...What is happening here?..."But I don't have to go to bed!"...Oh no...Have I mentioned the battles over properly brushing their teeth?   Let's just say a blanket makes for a fantastic straight jacket for a screaming, kicking, child with a "fear of death"-like aversion to getting their teeth brushed.   The first time I took my oldest to the dentist...she was one.  (I know, I know, everyone has a school of thought as for the appropriate time to bring them to the dentist but my pediatrician made me do it and I'm slightly "Helicopter" so we went! Which reminds me, my 14mo old is way overdue! lol).   In any event, it took five adults and myself holding her in my lap to allow the hygienist to do her job and the dentist to complete her exam on her then, 11 teeth.   She lost a shoe, kicked over the water contraption, and somehow managed to kick the light fixture above us!   Phew...that was an experience.   They were very thankful at her second and third visits for the blanket.   I asked them if they felt uncomfortable and they said..."What a great idea!"...Needless to say, she is cavity free and much better at brushing her own teeth, although, still very reluctantly allows me to finish up to make sure those babies are sparkling!!!

"Yup...That's about right!"

Those moments of "Calgon...Take Me Away!" happen much sooner than a new mommy would expect!   And its horrifying the first time you actually feel like you absolutely CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

So, the good news.   Here are five reasons why you absolutely CAN!!!

1.   "That Moment"

You know the one...That late night screaming fest (or with newborns, lets make that plural).   The two o'clock in the morning OMG someone is going to call the police if he/she doesn't stop these screaming cries!!!   When you've rocked...swayed...used every soothing sound device ever created...and yes, hummed or sang through your delirium and absolutely nothing seems to work!   And then, it happens.   They are asleep.   FINALLY!   You look down and see their angel face, just as it was in the maternity ward, (or wherever you chose to give birth.   Hopefully, not on an elevator or in a cab or something God bless you!).   And you are now the one who is brought to tears.   Not tears of desperation...those purely perfect tears of joy that this little miracle is actually a part of you!   Now, instead of wishing you could pass out you are captivated.   You don't want to let go just yet.   This moment is too awe inspiring to end.   Pure love.   Amazing, perfect love...right there in your arms.   Suddenly, you've never ever felt more whole in your entire life...and its the most overwhelmingly mesmerizing experience unmatched by any other.   Your heart is full...of gratitude and bliss.   You CAN take it...and its wonderful!

"How are you real???"

2.   "Those First Steps"

Every baby is different.   It seemed like an eternity before my oldest began walking.   Many tears and doctor visits began to wear away at my soul.   What is wrong?   Why isn't she walking.   The "army crawl" and "crab scoot" are adorable, don't get me wrong, but its time for those coveted First Year Photos and she cannot stand on her own!   We watched YouTube videos together of babies walking.   Some of them were really cute with Eye of the Tiger playing in the background!   I would look at my precious daughter and say "See Baby?   They're walking!".   To no avail.   I marched, walked as emphatically as possible.   She "cruised" around the furniture but when it came time to take that first step? .... Plop!   What are we going to do?   We need a referral to a neurologist!   My baby isn't walking!!!   Everyone else is telling me how their babies are off and running and mine...plop!   What are we going to do???   "I give up!"..."I can't take it!" ... I'm sooo worried!!!!   And then, step 1 becomes step 2...and by step 3...oh how I miss the cuddles, the embraces, the back-aching carrying.   She is finding her own.   Exploring the world on two feet and has less of a need for me anymore.   My excitement quickly turns to heart-ache.   I miss her!!!   She wants down...she wants to go go go...my baby is becoming a toddler!   What I would give to cradle her for hours again.   I couldn't take it?   I so miss it!!!   Its exhausting chasing her around..."Don't touch that!'..."Babe, watch your coffee!!!"..."No.   Don't touch the oven!"...Thank goodness for baby gates!!!   And there it is...a whole new adventure has begun.    You CAN take it, and when one stage is over, you will yearn to have it back!   Cherish them.  They grow so fast!!!

 

"I Can't Even!!!"

3.   "When They Come to You Because They WANT To!"

So, we've dealt with hoping against hope our babies would find their footing.   And, we watched with heavy hearts as they made a conscious decision to explore, touch, run even....Anxiously watching over them hoping they don't fall and get hurt.   Of course, they are climbing now as well.   The stomach drops when they climb up the couch and stand up just waiting for them to come crashing down on the hardwood floor.   That's a far drop for my little one!!!   The hot oven door, the stairs, suddenly your baby-proofed dwelling has now become a virtual accident waiting to happen.   You begin to fear stitches, broken bones, and you are alone for the first time since they started walking.   Arms empty...Lap not so fun anymore.   They squirm away from you to get back to their ventures...You're proud, stressed, and a little, well, sad.   (At least I was, but again, I tend to be over-the-top when it comes to hovering and over-protecting).   This baby is my life and she's becoming a toddler.   She's into everything and suddenly my house is a mess...There are toys everywhere!   How is she getting into all of these things?   Why won't she let me hold her?   "I can't take this!"...And then it happens.   That glorious moment when they turn to you with a big smile and run over for no other reason than to simply give you a hug.   A hug?   For me?   You're not hungry?   You don't want something from me?   You are making an effort to hug me for the sole purpose of showing genuine love and affection?   I CAN do this!   I CAN take this.   And those thankful tears stream down my face and that hug is so rewarding it literally squeezes my heart!   I love this child.   Best of all, she loves me too!!!

4.  "Validation"

Now, at this point you have forgotten the exhaustion of rearing a newborn...You had no break between infant to toddler, and you are literally a "Mommy Machine"!   If you're like me, right about now you have another who is transitioning from newborn to infant, and beginning to stand earlier and even take steps!   AHHH!!!!   Now there are two of them!   One is in the "Eh, Eh"...hand gesture, pointing, SCREAMING, stage whose vocabulary consists of "Mama", "Daddy", "Yes", and "No"...the other wants to go to the park, tells you what they want all the time, and asks so many questions you are hoping against hope you have the answers.   Or, better yet, the ability to explain those answers in a way they will understand.   After many blank stares and "but why's"...you finally find the words to make the connection.   Sigh...You're getting food thrown back at you by one baby and another one is saying "I don't like this!"..."Can you make me something else?"...LIKE WHAT?   HOW MANY MEALS AM I SUPPOSED TO CREATE FOR YOU?   BEFORE YOU, I ATE WENDY'S CHICKEN WRAPS AND McDONALDS!!!!   (Inside voice...inside voice...)...When you least expect it...and before your mind can react to it...she says it.   Those words you didn't even know you needed so desperately until they came out of her in that tiny little voice.   (I know what you're thinking...I love you right?   That's incredible...but this isn't where I'm going).   What was just said is the best possible nine word combination ever put together in a sentence.   Are you ready for it?   We're never ready for it.    Here goes...the words come out..."You are the best mommy in the whole world!"

Oh my goodness...floored!!!   Beyond floored.   I'll make you whatever you want!   I CAN do this!!! 

"You're My BEST Friend Mommy!"..."You're My GOOD Mommy!" and my personal favorite

"You are the BEST Mommy in the Whole World!"

5.   "Pride and Vindication"

We are entering into the arduous task of teaching manners!   "Were you raised in a barn?" is a phrase no mother (or father) wants to hear said to their child.   Some of us (ok...all of us) Jersey parents have an even harder time hearing things like this because we get super defensive...like "Excuse me, maybe you were raised in a barn!"..."You're mother teach you to talk like that to children?"...Oh yeah...we're bad news.   Luckily, we talk to each other behind those people's backs and never associate with them rather than enter into mortal combat!   In any event...back to manners.   The way in which to prevent these "close call encounters"...is to nip it in the proverbial bud!   To teach our children to appreciate and respect those who are older, wiser, love, and care for them.   To acknowledge good when good is given.   They take at home and you remind them again and again "What do you say?"...or "Is that the way we act when we want something?".   Ugh...this is never going to work.   I give up.   Until...that stranger opens the door for you at the supermarket and bam!!!..."Thank you"...Wait...did I just hear that?   Or the birthday party your at and the tiny familiar voice you'd hear in a crowd full of screeching monkeys (not calling the kids monkeys...its my attempt to be metaphoric and its getting very late as I type so screeching monkeys it is!)...Anyway, that tiny voice you would recognize anywhere...the one you know better than your own is heard in the distance.   "May I have a slice of pizza please?"   I love this child!!!   To top it off...the now 1.5 year old says "Bye" as you leave and blows everyone a kiss!!!   They can be a handful...but they are our handfuls...and we CAN do this!!!   More than that...We are Blessed to be afforded the opportunity to experience every second of this!   Life is good...And they are nothing short of AMAZING!!!

Next time you catch yourself thinking "I can't do this!"...Think of that moment of awe, those first steps, that hug you've longed for, those words that there is no other mother better than you, and the pride you feel when they are acting completely on there own...and they are thankful!   

With that...Good night...and Great Job! xoxo